Learning to trust yourself by showing up for yourself

During my time in therapy I came to realize that I did not trust myself. I did not trust that I would be there for myself when I became anxious, when I started to panic, or when I was caught in an overthinking spiral. During rough times I feel I am at the whim of my own brain without the ability to change the course. Often I would look to others that I did trust to help me and while having others you can count on is important, equally as important is being able to show up for yourself when you are able.

There will always be times in my life when I look to others for assistance, my goal is not to attempt to handle every situation on my own. At the same time I know there is more that I can do for myself, more support I can give, more patience, and more love.

Wherever you are on the journey to trusting yourself know that it takes time, mental energy, and a lot of inner strength. But with that trust comes stability, grounding, and the freedom to feel what you truly feel.

Showing up means being open and honest to see yourself for who you are and taking the time to learn what it is you need.

Trusting means that you work to give yourself the support, energy, and love that you deserve.

Being there for yourself does not downplay the important role others play in our lives. But knowing yourself well enough to understand what is best for you helps you communicate and interact with others and yourself.

Trust that you will be there for yourself when you need someone.

Be there for yourself when times are good

It can be easier to live in the moment and feel happiness for yourself when things are going well. When you try a new recipe and it works out, receive a job offer, or get an opportunity you have bee waiting for it makes you want to hold onto that excitement.

Sharing our happy moments with others is a great way to bond and can help spread positivity. We should share our happy moments with others but work to not let someone else’s reaction diminish your happiness. 

When we share good news we may want others to feel as happy and excited as we do, but it doesn’t always happen that way. It can feel like a let down when others are not on the same emotional level as us.

Others don’t always see the time, effort, ups, and downs that come with that happiness. We know what it took to get to where we are and this is the source of our emotions. Others do not have that connection to what we did and may not be able to feel the same way as us.

It is important to share the good with others but let your reaction be the one you focus on. When good things happen, do not rely on external validation, bask in the glow of your own happiness.

What you can do

Before rushing off to tell others your news, take some time to just enjoy the moment.

Be happy for yourself, be excited for yourself, be proud of yourself.

Let your feelings and emotions be the ones you focus on first.

Be there for yourself when times are rough

Having someone be there for us when we are going through a rough time can be the rock we need to keep going. Reaching out when you need someone can help you been strong when things are tough.

But, there will be times in life when we do not have the outside support that we need. Perhaps the person you need isn’t around,  they are not able to provide the support that you need, or you may not have someone you can turn to.

Being there for yourself when times are rough can be hard. Confronting difficult, stressful, or trying situations on your own is not easy. But the truth is that you are stronger than you think you are and you have inner strength you may not even know you had.

You don’t have to feel that you can only rely on yourself but knowing you have the ability to keep going through tough times can help build that inner strength. It can help you to take chances and opportunities knowing that you are there for yourself no matter the outcome.

What you can do

Think about how much you have been through so far in your life. You may not have faced this exact situation, but you have had rough times in the past and you have kept going.

Remind yourself of the inner strength you have and that you can and will continue on. Remind yourself by saying it out loud, by writing it down, by painting it on your walls, by quietly thinking it in your head, or by screaming it out into the universe.

Be there for yourself when you need motivation

We can be inspired by many people, whether they are in our real or virtual life. They help push us to follow our dreams, let go of negativity, and be better versions of ourselves. But, it can easily turn into us needing others to keep us motivated.

Always looking to others can mean we lose the real reason we are doing something. We forget why we started and why we want to keep going. It can also mean we keep going for reasons that are not beneficial for us.

Continue to seek motivation and inspiration from others, but don’t forget to routinely check in with yourself to make sure you are doing the things you want to do for the reasons you want to do them.

What you can do

Keep track, either physically written down or just kept in your head, of why you are doing what you do.

Remind yourself how it makes you feel, what your goals are, and what it adds to your life. Take the time to think of what you added to your list to make sure they reflect what you truly want and not what you think you should want.

When you feel unmotivated look back at your list to remind you of why you want this in your life.

Be there for yourself when you are scared

While there are many universal fears, not everyone feels fear in the same situation or at the same time. There are times when we are able to get support from others to help us when we are scared, but there may be times when we do not have that outside support. There may also be times when people don’t know how to help us, even though they wish they could.

It can be scary when we are trying something new, taking a chance, or facing a fear on our own. But we can work to better understand what we need to get through these situations.

Building the inner tools and resources to be able to handle all kinds of situations is a continual journey throughout life. The more we learn about ourselves, the more we can work to figure out how to be there for ourselves.

Being able to articulate what it is that is making us feel fear can help us find ways to handle that fear. It also helps us to be able to talk about our fears with others.

We may not be able to completely get rid of our fear, but we can help it not control a situation or our lives. We can be that rock we need to keep us stable when everything else seems to be falling away. 

What you can do

Let yourself feel your emotions. Whatever they may be, your feelings are valid and real. 

To help you not get swept away in a spiral of emotions talk yourself through your feelings to get to the heart of the source of fear. From there concentrate on what you can control to help ground you. It can be easy to feel untethered when you are scared, but there is always something you can hold on to.

There will likely be things that you have no control over, but knowing you have some control can help you build your inner resilience and strength.

Be there for yourself when you feel alone

Sometimes when we feel alone we benefit from being around others and having that connection. Other times we may benefit from looking inward to see what it is that is missing to make us feel alone. Loneliness can stem from being out of touch with ourselves, who we are, or where we are in life right now. There may also be times when we are not able to be around others or get in contact with those that help us feel less lonely. During these times it can be helpful reminder how much joy there is in our own company.

Knowing that there are things you can do on your own may not completely make you feel less alone, but there are many things you can do on your own to bring about feelings of happiness and contentment.

When we feel alone or find ourselves alone we can easily feel sadness, pity, or unmotivated. it is not easy to pull ourselves out of these feelings, but we should try and use those moments as time to find happiness within ourselves.

What you can do

Keep track of activities that you enjoy doing and make you feel good.

Make a play list of songs that always make you want to dance, keep your favorite recipes someplace you can easily find them, make a list of your favorite games to play, write down your favorite outdoor trails to walk.

Be there for yourself when you feel bored

Instead of turning others when you are bored check in with yourself to see what it is you want and need. Constantly getting visual stimulation from social media can mean our brain never has a break to just wander and be creative.

Allowing ourselves to be bored can help us figure out what we are actually interested in without immediate input from others.

This is a chance for you to learn what your interests are, and allow yourself to have whatever interests you want, without being impacted by the interests of others.

Be honest with yourself about your interests and how you want to spend your time. Work to get comfortable letting yourself have the interests you want to have. Not because you want others to find you interesting or because you want to get gratification online, but because it is something you truly enjoy.

Trust that even if others do not understand your interests that you will be true to yourself and have the interests you want to have.

What you can do

When you are bored, try to stay off the internet where you may end up scrolling mindlessly. Instead, think about what it is you would want to be doing if you could be doing anything right now. Do you want to do that because it is an actual interest of yours or something you think you should be interested in?

Write your interests down and start to explore them. Be purposeful in your use of the internet to find information on your specific interests instead of using it to simply occupy your time.

Be there for yourself when you feel insecure

It’s nice when we are feeling insecure to have someone else help lift us up, but view this as a bonus and not a requirement for you to feel comfortable in who you are.

There is no magic phrase that will snap you out of your insecurity, but the more we practice loving and accepting ourselves for who we are the easier it can be to handle insecurity when it raises its ugly head.

When we feel insecure we want to focus on all the things we do not like about ourselves or what we wish we could change. We can get caught in a vicious cycle of negative thinking.

The path forward is simple but not easy: change our thinking to help us realize and appreciate how many amazing things we have going for us.

 The more we can catch ourselves before we get too caught up in negative thoughts, the easier it can be to not let them run our lives. This takes a conscious effort, but the energy you put towards not letting the negative thoughts take hold is absolutely worth it and will only improve your life.

We should work to not seek affirmation and approval from others, only ourselves. Be there for yourself no matter what life throws at you. Be the constant that you can count on.

What you can do

Be more aware of how you talk to yourself.

When your head is filled with overly critical thoughts about yourself or ways in which you wish you were different, pause.

Write all the negative thoughts you have down and get them out of your head. Now focus on all you are doing right, what you like about yourself, and what a difference (no matter the size) you are making in the world.

Challenge yourself to come up with the same number of positive things as negative things you initially wrote down.

Final thoughts

No two people experience things the same way. Being in tune with yourself helps you understand that your experiences, thoughts, and feelings are real and valid and they do not need to be validated by someone else. Do not lose yourself trying to fit into someone else’s narrative.

This is meant as a reminder to work to truly know yourself and what you need. The better you get at communicating with yourself, the better you will be able to communicate to others.

Talk to yourself, learn how to communicate with yourself.

Be there for yourself because the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you will have.

Being there for yourself means you prioritize your mental health, place value on yourself, and understand how important it is to take care of and look after yourself.